Happy Anniversary Foreverkins

It's been one year girl. I bet you knew this day would come...isn't that right?

Now, let's relax and get you out of those clothes. You must be tired.

Let's put on some music to calm those nerves, such sensual nerves you have.

I Love You - Vanilla Ice

Yeah, that's right, this song is my tribute to you. Those there, well, those are rose petals on the bed, and yes, I am wearing really strong cologne - it's all for you, girl! You know you like it.

Happy Anniversary!

Saint Patrick's Day Segues

So, it's Saint Patricks Day everyone (you), Ireland's national holiday. There are probably hoards of people celebrating as we speak. Speaking of Ireland, what happened to U2? Are they still around? I haven't listened to a new U2 song in a long time. If I found myself listening to a new U2 song, I bet I wouldn't like it, but I'd enjoy not liking it because it would affirm my prediction of not liking it, and I would have won a bet with myself. Speaking of bets, has anyone here (you) been to Las Vegas recently? Wow, what a great place, eh? I mean, where else in the desert would you want to be than a no-holds barred cluster fuck of degrading indulgence and tawdry architecture? I mean, it's the first thing that comes to mind when imagining the hot desert, right. Speaking of cluster fucks, can you people believe the state of affairs in D.C.? Actually, I (you) probably shouldn't get into politics here because of my (your) short temper when it comes to arguing. Hey, speaking of temperatures, how's the temperature where you are? It's nice in San Francisco today, with a chance of kindness tomorrow. OH, ZING! Speaking of zings, I have not been there, but their website plays some sultry-ass music - "after dark". Apparently, their trademark tag-line is "Our food is like sex in your mouth", which means a variety of things to different people, which is why they went out of business just now as you were reading this.

Speaking of reading, I have some stories, let me tell you: Once upon a time... j/k! Let's get real: Deep in outerspace, there lived a bi/curious space-wizard named Stewart who, through space-alchemy, controlled the... yeah, right, his name would not be Stewart - Good job!

Speaking of Stewart, I like Star Trek, especially Jean-Luc Pacard (aka Patrick Stewart). He knows how to take a botched intergalactic massacre and turn it into casual, quality television.

Now that we are back to Patrick, have a happy Saint Patrick's Day.

New Product: Foreversink!

We are proud to announce the arrival of our first, fresh, brand-newest product, the Foreversink! This fine specimen of household, kitchen, bathroom, shed, darkroom, laundryroom-ware is brought to you exclusively by us hardworking folk here at Foreverkins, and Science.

The foreversink can do it all: introduce water, both hot and cold, drain water, and its great in the bedroom. It can also hold objects within it's confines. It can be used as a paperweight; but we recommend drying it first... you don't want to get Uncle Tiffany's last will and testament wet! What would Judge Cyndi Lauper say at the wake when you try to collect on his thousands? Not very nice words, I'm guessing. Probably a lecture about the process paper undergoes from it's creation in a cocoon (goodbye wood mulch!) to it's final resting place in a trash can fire (hello warm hobos!). While the lecture would provide a lot of useful information regarding a product you use on a daily basis and completely take for granted, you could be spending that time spending Uncle Tiffany's thousands on a whale watching tour off Girls Gone Wild Island, in the Gulf of Mexico.

The foreversink will literally last forever, as will the engraved message "tell your friend or friends or mailman about foreverkins.blogspot.com today!". This will remind you that English is the one and only true language.

Good washings!

==Dashers Dashers==

January 5, 1974, scientists in Antarctica report that the warmest day in Antarctican history has been achieved with a Fahrenheit measurement of 59 degrees symbol. In Celcius, 59 would be a very warm day by American standards ("The Only Standards or We'll Spill Yer Tea!") and about average for the Death Valley July 4th festival and hot dog cookout, just don't fire off your fireworks you fun havers.

Upon discovery of this warm day, the scientists shimmied out of their scientist clothes and held open their arms to the still very quiet sun, scientist bodies bared for all to see. Then, the wine. One scientist declared proudly, "Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?"

But one scientist watched from indoors with a big crappy frown on that small scientific face. He knew what this meant: Global Warming. "Just you wait," he said quietly, ominously, camera zoomed in, pull out, zoom away... He watched, whispering "just you wait," until one of the scientists, in for more wine glasses, noticed him and said, "One peanut butter sandwiches, Ah Ah Ah!!"

Who Knew?

I did not think that this blog would be so neglected as time went on, but I think it might be the nature of most blogs, destined to die out and live only in the annals of history. Hopefully FOREVERKINS had the chance to make it to at least one annal of history - that of awesomeness.

For the three of us writers, we've been away enjoying the fruits of lives filled with other distracting joys, which include reading other blogs, updating our facebook accounts with meaningless jabber, working on things we don't care about, watching bloodsport, avoiding cleaning, table tennis, listening to midi's, and other things. Good for you that you don't plan on reading this blog, and, in fact, you are not even doing so now. You are just going from image to image and this is understandable.

In history, much has happened that has not happened, but we will get to that later when we have the time to remember to get back to figuring out what did happen so we can write about what didn't happen. In this oath lies the truth of our journey.

That's right: WE ARE HIGHLANDERS - All of us! You figured it out, and therefore get a merit badge!

"There will only be one", as they say, as I say, and I'm pretty sure that will be me since I'm the only one smart enough to wear turtlenecks with titanium-bracing, ensuring my head stays where I want it. It's also super stylish!

Anyways, hope all is well. Stay in touch!

XOXO,
100%

Wiiiiiiii!

Today is the 120th birthday of Nintendo, a company founded in 1889 by a couple of down in the dumps plumber brothers. When Mario, the older but shorter and more round brother, lost his girlfriend during a drinking binge, he decided to get her back. He ate a mushroom for protein and set out, punching bricks and stomping bugs and small animals along the way. His younger (but taller) brother Luigi came running behind, trying to prevent Mario from causing any damage that would put the brothers in the poorhouse. Mario punched a brick, and when it burst open there was a gold coin inside. He showed this to a local merchant, who offered to trade it for a golden star. Mario ate the golden star and felt invincible. He started running around like a maniac, humming songs without lyrics, until he finally collapsed and died from the star that he had eaten.

Luigi dedicated the company in his honor. Since there were no TVs or video games back then, Luigi sat in his basement and invented them. Today, Luigi is 157 years old.

A funny thing happened on the way to lazy...

Howdy cadets! Today is September 22, 2009, which means that it is the first day of fall and the last day of wearing a snorkel and swim shorts to class. This is also the day, 3 years ago, that the nation of bleach-safe colors decided to retire the F-14 Tomcat, a fine jet plane whose wings tucked in towards the body and whose die-cast metal version tasted very metallic.

The F-14's retirement, like most, occurred 3 days before retirement in a bloody shoot out with the Colombians that drove our angered hero to get out there and keep the plot moving, shirtless and shining.

The F-14's retirement, like most, was spurred by its decision to stop trying to compete with a newer TomKat, one formed by the combination of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (whose wings tuck in towards their bodies, and whose die-cast version taste very metallic).

Speaking of laziness, what's the deal, right us? I think it's time for internet blog boot camp for the likes of Dylan, Aaron, and I, amiright?