Skull Valley lives up to it's name

On April 12, 1968, Skull Valley was the cite of a nerve gas accident resulting in the death of several thousand sheep.  This accident is also known as the "Dugway Sheep Incident" and "Skull Valley Sheep Kill Fuck".  Apparently, the stars and stripes, brilliant and cunning as they are, were experimenting with chemical and biological weapons at Dugway Proving Ground, just southwest of Salt Lake City, Utah.  The nearby ranches surrounding the complex were where the sheep were exposed to the silent but deadly VX gas.  The US Army did not accept full blame until 1998, even though all "studies" showed evidence of the gas in the sheep themselves and all areas where the sheep were found dead (oops!).  Apparently, the police sent novelty rescue cars of different kinds to the scene, but they were of no help and merely served a comical value for the ranchers that loved their sheep and had to lug the carcasses home to prepare the VX-Brand sheep meat and VX-Brand sheep wool for the public.  Neighbors were no help either.  Funerals were held for each individual sheep soon after the incident.

RIPPLE ROCK: Sorry Kids, no Jim Henson puppets, just a bunch of drowned sailors.

April 5th, 1958, as many of you already know, was the day that Ripple Rock was sentenced to death in the Seymour Narrows of the Discovery Passage in British Columbia, Canada, North America, Earth.

Ripple Rock, quiet and friendly according to many of its neighbors, was responsible for the destruction of over 20 large vessels, 100 smaller vessels, and the death of 110 human beings, including fictional character Maritime Murray and a futuristic time travelling Joe Biden from the year 2135. Ripple Rock was able to do this by silently laying in wait, poised less than 3 meters underwater at low tide. Clueless ships full of unsuspecting men, singing and swinging beers as they did in those days, were helpless against the stoic poise of the poisonous submerged peaks.

The death of Ripple Rock was brought about by a giant explosion, one of the largest non-nuclear explosions in history, crumbling the giant peaks down to puny mounds underwater where junior SCUBA divers could swim down, point, and laugh.

The explosion, by the way, awoke several giant sleeping monsters, who lumbered from their caves and swam across the ocean, climbed onto the island of Japan and terrorized Tokyo. Documentary footage exists in many of your local pot dealer's dvd libraries.

Ripple Rock, we salute you.

W.H. Harrison dies of pneumonia

On this day in 1841, William Henry Harrison, the 9th President of the United States, died of pneumonia after only serving in office for one month.  His famous campaign slogan "Tippecanoe and Tyler too", which was a sexual reference, helped him get elected.   His death sparked the beginning of what is known as the Curse of Tippecanoe, which ended with Ronald Reagan's presidency, probably due to Reagan's specialized body armor. 

Harrison was a general during the War of 1812, and made many Native American and British friends during that time.  He was the first president to have his photo taken apparently as well, and, if not for the Curse, would have surely have solved all problems currently affecting our society.  If we've learned anything from Harrison and his legacy, it's the spirit of truth.