March 17, 2010

Saint Patrick's Day Segues

So, it's Saint Patricks Day everyone (you), Ireland's national holiday. There are probably hoards of people celebrating as we speak. Speaking of Ireland, what happened to U2? Are they still around? I haven't listened to a new U2 song in a long time. If I found myself listening to a new U2 song, I bet I wouldn't like it, but I'd enjoy not liking it because it would affirm my prediction of not liking it, and I would have won a bet with myself. Speaking of bets, has anyone here (you) been to Las Vegas recently? Wow, what a great place, eh? I mean, where else in the desert would you want to be than a no-holds barred cluster fuck of degrading indulgence and tawdry architecture? I mean, it's the first thing that comes to mind when imagining the hot desert, right. Speaking of cluster fucks, can you people believe the state of affairs in D.C.? Actually, I (you) probably shouldn't get into politics here because of my (your) short temper when it comes to arguing. Hey, speaking of temperatures, how's the temperature where you are? It's nice in San Francisco today, with a chance of kindness tomorrow. OH, ZING! Speaking of zings, I have not been there, but their website plays some sultry-ass music - "after dark". Apparently, their trademark tag-line is "Our food is like sex in your mouth", which means a variety of things to different people, which is why they went out of business just now as you were reading this.

Speaking of reading, I have some stories, let me tell you: Once upon a time... j/k! Let's get real: Deep in outerspace, there lived a bi/curious space-wizard named Stewart who, through space-alchemy, controlled the... yeah, right, his name would not be Stewart - Good job!

Speaking of Stewart, I like Star Trek, especially Jean-Luc Pacard (aka Patrick Stewart). He knows how to take a botched intergalactic massacre and turn it into casual, quality television.

Now that we are back to Patrick, have a happy Saint Patrick's Day.

March 11, 2010

New Product: Foreversink!

We are proud to announce the arrival of our first, fresh, brand-newest product, the Foreversink! This fine specimen of household, kitchen, bathroom, shed, darkroom, laundryroom-ware is brought to you exclusively by us hardworking folk here at Foreverkins, and Science.

The foreversink can do it all: introduce water, both hot and cold, drain water, and its great in the bedroom. It can also hold objects within it's confines. It can be used as a paperweight; but we recommend drying it first... you don't want to get Uncle Tiffany's last will and testament wet! What would Judge Cyndi Lauper say at the wake when you try to collect on his thousands? Not very nice words, I'm guessing. Probably a lecture about the process paper undergoes from it's creation in a cocoon (goodbye wood mulch!) to it's final resting place in a trash can fire (hello warm hobos!). While the lecture would provide a lot of useful information regarding a product you use on a daily basis and completely take for granted, you could be spending that time spending Uncle Tiffany's thousands on a whale watching tour off Girls Gone Wild Island, in the Gulf of Mexico.

The foreversink will literally last forever, as will the engraved message "tell your friend or friends or mailman about today!". This will remind you that English is the one and only true language.

Good washings!