August 13, 2009


If sleep was a video game it would be broken down into difficulty settings which would be given clever names to demonstrate the user's skill level who would be able to accomplish sleep at that skill level. The first would be easy: "Captain Catnaps". At this setting the user is given a soft bed in a dark room in a quiet neighborhood. The air would be mild, and the user would be given adequate time to leak the lizard before setting down. As the round progresses, slight things might occur in an attempt to stir the sleeper, but nothing too major.

The next level of difficulty would be medium: "Sergeant Snores". Here, the room isn't as dark, cars pass occasionally, and the air is just a little bit too warm. Sometimes through the night a pet dog might come in, investigate the sleeper, then leave. A neighbors TV can be heard quietly through the wall. Navigate your way to victory, sleeper!

The hard level would be "Rip Van Winkle". Here, the user is required to sleep in a room with a buzzing neon sign shining in to a room too hot while roommates watch and cheer sports and randomly come in and out of the front door, slamming it each time, shaking the whole house each time, calling to each other from one side of the house to the other to bring more beer, then maybe engage in noise contests. Occasionally a round of karaoke might break out. The sleeper does not have access to any weapons.

Cheat mode would be called "Ambien". Using cheats, sleeper can unlock a difficulty mode that maybe .01% of participants will be able to beat: "Coma".

What difficulty level do you sleep at?

1 comment:

  1. Rob Van Winkle made me let a little pee out.