Here's the thing...

As all Christian nations know, God gathered all the leaders of Christian countries together and said "guess what, here's the thing: whoever touches the most things, that's who I'll love!" So these nations sent out their best explorers to go out and touch all types of shit, like mountain tops, billy goats, ocean floors, you name it! But when they gathered again, God was all "looks like these motherfuckers got themselves a tie!" So America sent out spies and Russia and Britain too, they all sent out these spies to figure out what the other countries had already touched, and if there was anything else on earth that they could touch that would give them the advantage. Well, guess what? There wasn't shit. But JFK, he was too smart for the rest of them. "We're going to touch something that ain't no other player anywhere else has touched, by god. We're going to touch the god damn moon."

It's only too sad that he wasn't alive to see it, but he was probably up there with the angels giving high-fives when on June 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong told Houston "this is some steps, y'all! Not even just for this man, but also for mankind!" What he didn't realize though, is that it was for Americankind, because from then on God told those other countries to fuck off and gave America all of His almighty love.

And that's the truth.