July 2, 2009


The first Walmart opened July 2nd, 1962, which also happens to be the middle day of the year, now you know. People lined up overnight in high hopes that finally all of their wall needs would be answered, only to discover that the "wal" in the name referred to the founder's last name, Sam Walton, and not to the overwhelming need for a store that only sold various types of walls ("from dry to brick, we got your pick!"). Some of the crowd started to leave in an orderly fashion, but then an atheist anarchist pro-life democrat (we can only assume) shouted "fuck it, let's riot!" So they rushed in, tore out the walls and carried them away, unsure of where to put them (these were not the walls they were looking for). Clever old Sam quickly rushed around saying, "why don't you pay to store them over here at my storage space?" (which was secretly his store). So the people paid, and the walls went back where they were torn from, and a group of hard-working Americans got the store back in shape and it went on to be the biggest thing since my mother in law (hey-ohhh!!). Please shop there.

Foreverkins is brought to you by Wall Mart.

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