Today is Flag Day, a day where you can put your little American flag in your front lawn and watch from the blinds to see who walks past without saluting it, marking their names down in a yellow legal pad used to research potential commies. See that kid who just spit his gum down on the sidewalk, and then the gum bounced and landed right next to the flag? Use your pink highlighter to color him in and then draw a thick arrow to the top of the list, where he belongs. See that woman carrying her heavy groceries past, see how she stops right by the flag to readjust her hold on those heavy bags, and she steps over and the heel of her shoe brushes just barely past the flagpole? Pink highlighter, thick arrow to the very top. Some people say that it isn't unpatriotic not to salute the flag every single time you walk past it, and all of those people deserve to be on your list. Don't be shy. When you finish a page, tear it out and tape it to your front door. Let them know you're watching. Some of them might not notice your binoculars that tap against the glass in your front window as they walk past. Some of them might not have read your opinion columns the local commie paper ran for a few days under the threat that you would label them "commie" if they didn't run it. Well, they ran it, but a true American newspaper wouldn't have even considered to start rejecting your opinion columns when they started to get "too long and pointless and accusatory, and the Mayor doesn't drink newborn blood, that's just ridiculous."
Sure, real ridiculous, Russia
So go out and celebrate Flag Day by putting a flag in your front yard and then hiding in your dark living room, put on some Bruce Springsteen and set down an 18-pack of some American small boys nearby, empty out that urine bucket first, this is going to take up all your time and you can't afford to let those commies walk past your house unnoticed, America can't afford it, it's just what the terrorists are waiting for so come on, get out there and celebrate Flag Day like a real god damned American!!!