April 2, 2009

Charlemagne: King of Franks

Nothing says April 2, 2009 more than the 1,267th Anniversary of the birth of Charlemagne!

To celebrate this event, people from around the world will be voraciously consuming franks and beans, as well as drinking unfiltered Rhine water and contracting hepatitis, as was customary during the 8th-century. I happen to prefer "veggie-franks", or "veggie-Charlemagnes" if you will.    

Legend has it that he was really into ambient music and those bikini carwash films, which functioned as a common activity to relieve stress during his wars with the Slavs and the Avars and most any other horde of the time.  He had a son named Pippin, who was very selfish and demanded futuristic things such as cars and danish modern furniture, even though they had not been invented and were completely incomprehensible to his society!  This logic did not stop the outrageous demands and eventually caused Charlemagne to look towards other lands for treasures that might satisfy Pippin's extravagant yet refined tastes.  Eventually, Charlemagne was broke and was forced to default on his sub-prime mortgage!  Death came soon after.  

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