April 5, 2009

RIPPLE ROCK: Sorry Kids, no Jim Henson puppets, just a bunch of drowned sailors.

April 5th, 1958, as many of you already know, was the day that Ripple Rock was sentenced to death in the Seymour Narrows of the Discovery Passage in British Columbia, Canada, North America, Earth.

Ripple Rock, quiet and friendly according to many of its neighbors, was responsible for the destruction of over 20 large vessels, 100 smaller vessels, and the death of 110 human beings, including fictional character Maritime Murray and a futuristic time travelling Joe Biden from the year 2135. Ripple Rock was able to do this by silently laying in wait, poised less than 3 meters underwater at low tide. Clueless ships full of unsuspecting men, singing and swinging beers as they did in those days, were helpless against the stoic poise of the poisonous submerged peaks.

The death of Ripple Rock was brought about by a giant explosion, one of the largest non-nuclear explosions in history, crumbling the giant peaks down to puny mounds underwater where junior SCUBA divers could swim down, point, and laugh.

The explosion, by the way, awoke several giant sleeping monsters, who lumbered from their caves and swam across the ocean, climbed onto the island of Japan and terrorized Tokyo. Documentary footage exists in many of your local pot dealer's dvd libraries.

Ripple Rock, we salute you.

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