May 12, 2009

Mr. McTwist Gleams the 41st Cube!

Tony Hawk, the American Skateboard Superstar (and not Tony Hawks, British Comedian or Tony Hawke, New Zealand Basketball Player) turns 41 today. Born May 12, 1968 in San Diego, California, Tony "Machismo" Hawk is arguably the most famous skateboarder of all time. Tony Hawks, British Comedian, is 49 and has written several books, including The Fridge Hiker's Guide to Life. Tony Hawke, NZ athlete, is 26 and played for the Canterbury Rams in New Zealand's National Basketball League. Neither are arguably the most famous in their fields.

Let's focus on the birthday boy:

Tony Hawk's skateboarding career kicked off in San Diego, CA, where he was grinding along as a dim-witted gardener. One day, while cutting grass, he was coaxed into the basement of a client, Pierce Brosnan. His life would never be the same. Pierce was working on a scientific experiment that would potentially make people smarter by plugging them into a computer. Just as he was plugging Tony in, a small kid came down the stairs on a small wooden scooter. Pierce, furious at the interruption, threw an air conditioning unit that barely missed the kid, knocked the handle off the scooter, and knocked the remaining bit, a flat board with wheels on it, onto Tony's lap. The kid scrambled away, back up the stairs, and Pierce stumbled after him, tripped over a wire, and accidentally plugged Tony in. The computer sparked to life, bright flashes emitted from Tony's face, and he was fused with the skateboard. From that point on, he and skateboarding were inseparable.

A few months afterwards, Tony managed to upload himself into the computer system, made everybody's telephone ring, and then made a series of videogames that didn't lose their wow factor until EA was all "SKATE, BITCH." He has been married 3 times in first life and once in second life. He has several kids, a car, and a pet fish. When he is disappointed with himself, he likes to take his trusty cat Zorro up to his room to be by himself.

Tony Hawks, stay funny. Tony Hawke, stay foreign. and Tony Hawk, stay fabulous!

1 comment:

  1. AnonymousMay 14, 2009

    Miss Golightly! I'll call the police!!!