May 18, 2009


May 18, 1980, Mount Saint Helen erupts into a gigantic movie plot making machine, depositing ash into 11 nearby states who all awkwardly accept the ash politely, then put it in a box in the corner to never mention again until the grandkids come to visit 29 years later (hint hint!) and ask what the box holds, leading to a whole ceremony where the box is carried down, stories are told, and the ash is given to the grandkids to keep around or sell on ebay or whatever the hell those kids do with those keyboard machines these days.

The eruption was expected by experts for months beforehand, leading to the evacuation of several nearby areas, including Spirit Lake where Harry Randall Truman owned a lodge and decided that the so-called experts could stuff it up their know-it-all behinds. He stayed, stating, "If the mountain goes, i'm going with it." Well, the mountain went, and so did Harry, buried likely under 150 feet of landslide debris. Another 56 people died in the eruption as well, but none of them made any statements on camera quite as retarded as Harry that the liberal media (and know-it-all bloggers) could make fun of.

After the ash had finally settled and evacuated residents could start digging down to their buried homes, Ronald Reagan approved a 75 trillion dollar bill for the rebuilding of Mount St. Helen. Fortunately, the bill was neither approved or real in the first place, but there are a few dedicated restorationists that go up there once every couple of years and move some rocks around (also not true).

Marry me, Mount St. Helens!


  1. AnonymousMay 19, 2009

    Harry? Lodge? What about Agent Dale Cooper? Where was he during all of this strange phenomena?

  2. Can I be your best man?

  3. Or your Made of Honor?

  4. can you be both? If you wear a suit on your left side and a dress on your right, you can just pivot!