May 13, 2009


This day in 1958, zippers are sent to the locker room crying over the patent filing of the vastly superior fastening device, Velcro. Hip Hop pioneer George de Mestral (which translates roughly to George of the Mestral) was sitting in his home imitating the fresh sound of the record scratch on his zip up hoodie when he realized he needed more bounce to his ounce. His longstanding rivalry with zipper inventor Whitcomb L. Judson (which translates in Urdu to Biz Markie) had him completely vexed as to how he could throw down against this long standing scratch master. One morning George was doing laundry and mistook a sheet of sandpaper for a sheet of downy fresh scent and as he removed his favorite Christmas sweater from the laundry he found the sandpaper stuck and pulled it free. The sound that would ensue made his hackles stand on end and he knew a star was born. Aside from totally killing within the underground shoe beat-off community, Velcro would end up dominating shoe closures in the 80’s. This would culminate with the materials ability to cloak small coin pouches in shoes, allowing nerds the world over to finally avoid losing their milk money.

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